Karma got me last night. No joke- in my dreams!
As a general rule I try not to be judgmental. As far back as my super conservative religious high school, I knew when they put “born and unborn” at the end of the pledge of allegiance, it wasn’t right. I didn’t at the time think I wanted to kill babies and shit, I just knew it was wrong to say what other people should do in those situations. Plus, I loved telling those nuns about my First Amendment right NOT to say it. Anyway, since some enlightened teen years, I really try not to judge and I usually succeed.
But I am not at 100% in my not judging and it always almost literally bites me in the ass. Example-for the dogs, I like to see what other people do and what works for them. But at some level have always judged people’s food choices, discipline and walking. My thinking? Good food, exercise, unconditional love and positive reinforcement are all you need for a good dog. Don’t get me wrong, I think my 12.5 year old going 5 miles a day is totally testament to my beliefs on exercise and food. BUT, I now have a dog with issues, she might even be a DINOS dog! She is super anxious, strong like a bull and in LOVE or HATE or just plain scared of everything. I now look like an idiot sometimes balancing them on the leash in the city and trying to apologize to passersby like a fucking idiot. I judged and now I can be judged and that sucks.
Example- I used to love money and only drove European cars. Silly people worked hard for no money. How could they love that? So I did everything and spent everything, lived way harder than anyone should. And what happened? Karma. I totaled my car, nearly died and lost everything. On the real, I am so much happier broke and doing good for me, my animals, others, including the zillion hours I spend doing crap for which I get occasional money for food/rent. (For me, the dogs are always fed of course. :) But the point is, I am in their place and I hate people like I was. Judgey McJudgester is no fun and was a real bitch.
ANYWAY. My television choices are pretty broad, I just don’t watch dating shows, cooking shows, animated shows or dancing/talent bullshit (seriously, that leaves EVERYTHING ELSE). Never have, never will. Can’t. The worst one by which I have always been so morally outraged is The Bachelor. The girls are so desperate for guys who are not that great (BEN? Srsly?). I mean these guys are not usually that good-looking (not even ONE has been attractive to me). And they all have like no job or personality or anything. But the girls, they are gorgeous and hot and educated. And they fall in love over night (hello, i can’t commit to anything past this afternoon) and they hate each other and are all so full of shit. The neediness kills me. Also that they forget they are on TV or are just whores on camera. It disgusts me and never works out. (Don’t trista and Ryan me. There have been how many versions of both the bachelor and the bachelorette? I think it ‘s like 20 or something. So big freaking deal one couple worked out.)
Last night, I had the longest most detailed dream that I WAS THE NEXT BACHELORETTE. They paid me a bunch of cash which I needed and I said yes. Strangely, the Bachelor was happening in the next ranch-type mansion over. And I was having so much fun! Everyone was so AWESOME! And even the Bachelor’s girls were so sweet. (Probably because I was in a house of dudes) And the Bachelor himself! He was a little insecure and charming. But the guys for me were all so chivalrous. And they were so happy to see me all the time. AND they were paying me to eat and drink with these guys and make them do tricks for me? And compete for me? And beat each other up? It was so awesome.
Then it was like the magic potion wore off and I started remembering that they do all the lying and go in that confessional and tell that all this means nothing. And what did the guys say to each other? They were all trying to make out with me, which was cute, then sooooo gross, especially after I saw MY guys hanging out with the sluts trying to get on the dude next door. Chris Harrison was like a manipulative, insulting asshole who was so mean to me and kept talking about managing my issues.
So, I saw the draw, how people can be fooled into doing it and how it might start out like fun and everyone is so in love with love. Then by the time shit starts getting REAL, you can’t go anywhere. And it’s all a contract that you have to go through it and then wait months silently and WATCH IT AGAIN. So, okay, I always did like Ali (do not get me started on Ashley, who I might think of as poor Ashley now?) and maybe now I get her a little more.
Point being, even my little judgments on people I will never meet come back to hit me in the middle of the night after a week where I exercised VERY questionable judgment involving a guy-type thing. I get wanting someone to like or love you, but you can’t act like that and think THIS TIME it will work out when you are being pathetic or slutty. (Although fun can be had, of course ;) I couldn’t fall back to sleep for so long, it was so real. Cut to now. Back to cynical love disbeliever on this end. And maybe for the idiots on the Bachelor, at least some (few) of them have the balls to try and be vulnerable where my ability to do so is long gone. Let’s never mention this again, k?